Letters to a Lost Boy

I dreamt of you last night

It’s been a while,

hasn’t it?

Do you still remember me?

(Remember us?)

Do you ever think about me?

Or even us?

I’d be okay if you thought about 


And not just me.

I’d be okay with that.

Not that it really matters –

what I’m okay with.

It’s completely up to you,

how you feel,

what you think about,

how you remember me.


Because it never was just me,

was it?

I can sit here and wish,

and hope,

and pray,

and attempt to rewrite the past,

but it never was just me.

You only cared about us.


What is Loneliness?

Loneliness is the empty

russet journal on the corner of your desk.

It’s a crisp, white suit gathering dust in the

back of your closet.

Loneliness is unchanged bed sheets, and unmoved chairs.

Loneliness is blinds shut to children

playing hopscotch,

speeding SUVs

and clouds gathering in front of the sun.

Loneliness is unreplied glances sent to all

of the regulars,

as they pass you in crowded hallways.



A line drags across the page

Filling in white noise with inumerable


Gliding as if the two weren’t

Even touching

Tears cling across my face

Marking red scar after red


Scratching and clawing as if the two

Can’t let go

A smile dances across the page

Filling in scar after scar with inumerable


Gliding as if the two were

Meant to be



Lot’s of people have heard of love at first sight, but this was something else entirely. Completely one hundred percent something else, actually. I stared her in the face, her milky brown hair draping down her shoulders, her ocean blue eyes waving gently before me; and I’ve never hated anyone more in my entire life.

And no, before you say it, this wasn’t a ‘I loved her so much, but I hated her at that very instant for something stupid’ thing. I promise you that much. I had had problems with her for years and years before this, but she had finally gone over the line.

"Are you going to say anything?" she watched me closely, her eyes twitching with every move I made. "Anything?"

"No." I replied quietly, looking to the floor. What could I say? She had finally destroyed me. Pulled every string, pressed every button. I flicked my eyes to the damage she had caused, before looking to her again. She needed to know what she had done; but who was I to tell her?

"Look at this!" she shouted with glee, a grin stretching wide across her face. "Look at me! How are you not going to say anything? Don’t you feel anything?"

"Of course I do." I continued quietly. "But you win. You’ve won. How can I fix this? How can I do something worse?"

I felt a tear track it’s way down my cheek, burning it’s way into my skin. I choked the rest of them back; I needed to be strong in front of her. If anything, to prove that she didn’t destroy me completely.

Even though that would be bold-faced lying.

"Try! I bet you can find something!" She begged to me, nearly falling to her knees. I stared at her in disbelief, my view of her changing with every passing second. How could she ask for that? How could she ask for something worse? Was this just a sick, sadistic game to her?

"I can’t. I won’t."

"Don’t you hate me??"

I simultaneously felt every muscle in my body clench. From my mouth to my toes to my fists to my legs. I froze, dead still, staring at her legs. I refused to look her in the eye. She didn’t deserve that much respect.

"Of course I do." I snarled. "How couldn’t I: after this?"

"Well then why won’t you get me back?!"

"I refuse to hurt any human being like this." I whispered, slowly relaxing my fists. "No one deserves this. Not even a miserable waste of skin like you."

She looked to the ground, shuffling her feet. She, nor I, had anything else to say. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and moved to my friend’s motionless body, which lay crumpled on the floor a few feet away from me.

I heard her inhale sharply as I gently picked up my friend bridal style, preparing to carry her out of the building.

"Please don’t do this again…" I whimpered as I turned away from my enemy. "If you want my attention, as an enemy or anything more…there are less painful ways to do it."

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