July22012

You Only

Tearful farewells.

Farewells that will last forever

Forever is a long time

A long time without you

You, who have helped us grow

Grow beyond where we have been

Have been is for the past

The past is long gone

Gone far away, and now is the time for the future

The future, held without you

You, who now holds us in your arms

Arms which reassure us of peace

Peace, which is not yet here but will be

Will be, eventually, not now

Now we are with out

With you, getting used to missing you

Missing you before the farewells

Farewells, tearful farewells.

July12012

Je Vous Aime Toujours

Je vous aime toujours.

It’s been months but my heart still hurts. I just can’t seem to get over you, no matter what I do. Je vous aime toujours.

I messed up; I’ll admit that. But you weren’t being the best person in the world at that time either. Still…je vous aime toujours.

I miss you. I miss us. I miss the love. I miss the trust. I miss everything that had to do with us, anything that came from us. But je vous aime toujours.

I remember that say you first told me ‘te amo.’ Our languages clashed, ‘te amo,’ to ‘Je t’aime’. Right now I’m telling you je vous aime toujours.

Calluses on my lips. Blood on my tongue. Bright pink scars leading down from my eyes. Nail indents in my palms. I can’t tell you…but je vous aime toujours.

Nights I cry myself to sleep. Days I rip myself apart. A twitch in my hands. Words on the edge of my tongue. Je vous aime toujours.

My heart pounds when I see you. My breath hitches. My mind goes blank. No words can come to mind except for these four. Je vous aime toujours.

I still love you.

10AM

You and I

Indifferent comment.

Angry rebuttal.

Disbelieving remark.

Smartassed statement.

Indifferent whine.

Yell of defeat.

Tears. Alone.

June302012

White Out

Through the shadows of darkness

I was able to see only her

Through the crowds of people hiding her from me

I was able to see only her


Through everything was pounding on me to just stop

I was able to see only her

Though I was pushed to tear away

I was able to see only her


Though she walked away

I was able to see only her

Though she only said two words

I was able to see only her


Though I’ve been alone since

I am able to see only her

Though now she’s gone

I am able to see only her.

10AM

Dimming

"The idea’s stupid." you say, looking me directly in the eyes. "Why would you do something like that?"

I look to the floor and shuffle my feet. I hadn’t expected this from you. Of all people - you! I don’t know what to say as my heart rams against my chest. I hadn’t expected this.

"We could do this for fun, you know, just us!"

"We’re already us." Your icy glare stares me in the face. Your eyes dead like a shark’s, your fingers clenching and unclenching as you decide what to do with me and my ideas. "Isn’t that enough?"

You walk away and a quiet sob escapes from me. I close my eyes and decide that I’m going to go through with it. 

Even if you don’t want me to.

June292012

Symptoms

Doctor, doctor, I have these symptoms

I’ve checked everything:

Websites and books and everything but you

But I don’t know what’s wrong with me.


Well what are your symptoms ma’am?


I have a racing heart and sweaty palms,

A flushed face and churning stomach,

Weak knees and locked muscles,

I’m stuttering and tongue-tied

I’m depressed, but sometimes overwhelmingly confident.


Isn’t that weird, doctor?

What does all of this mean?

Is there something wrong with me?

How long do I have to live?


Well ma’am, you see, I have two possibilities for you

Both are common, but one is worse than the other.


Well what is it, doctor?

Will I be okay?

Will I survive?

Is it cancer?


No, no, no, certainly not cancer.

You see, you either are about t have a stroke,

Or you’re simply in love.

11AM

Sussorus

If I could just have a moment

Away from the hustle

and bustle

of my normal life

and sneak to a winder

cracked slightly,

open,

to lean my head over and

feel the breeze

and watch the drizzle

of rain

splatter incessantly

in the puddles which are pooling

on the ground

and smell

the sweet, tangy smell of,

rain in the air

and reach my

fingers out to watch the drops spread and

sock on my

fingertips

I would savor that moment 

and keep it completely

to 

myself.

June282012

Crushed

Lot’s of people have heard of love at first sight, but this was something else entirely. Completely one hundred percent something else, actually. I stared her in the face, her milky brown hair draping down her shoulders, her ocean blue eyes waving gently before me; and I’ve never hated anyone more in my entire life.

And no, before you say it, this wasn’t a ‘I loved her so much, but I hated her at that very instant for something stupid’ thing. I promise you that much. I had had problems with her for years and years before this, but she had finally gone over the line.

"Are you going to say anything?" she watched me closely, her eyes twitching with every move I made. "Anything?"

"No." I replied quietly, looking to the floor. What could I say? She had finally destroyed me. Pulled every string, pressed every button. I flicked my eyes to the damage she had caused, before looking to her again. She needed to know what she had done; but who was I to tell her?

"Look at this!" she shouted with glee, a grin stretching wide across her face. "Look at me! How are you not going to say anything? Don’t you feel anything?"

"Of course I do." I continued quietly. "But you win. You’ve won. How can I fix this? How can I do something worse?"

I felt a tear track it’s way down my cheek, burning it’s way into my skin. I choked the rest of them back; I needed to be strong in front of her. If anything, to prove that she didn’t destroy me completely.

Even though that would be bold-faced lying.

"Try! I bet you can find something!" She begged to me, nearly falling to her knees. I stared at her in disbelief, my view of her changing with every passing second. How could she ask for that? How could she ask for something worse? Was this just a sick, sadistic game to her?

"I can’t. I won’t."

"Don’t you hate me??"

I simultaneously felt every muscle in my body clench. From my mouth to my toes to my fists to my legs. I froze, dead still, staring at her legs. I refused to look her in the eye. She didn’t deserve that much respect.

"Of course I do." I snarled. "How couldn’t I: after this?"

"Well then why won’t you get me back?!"

"I refuse to hurt any human being like this." I whispered, slowly relaxing my fists. "No one deserves this. Not even a miserable waste of skin like you."

She looked to the ground, shuffling her feet. She, nor I, had anything else to say. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and moved to my friend’s motionless body, which lay crumpled on the floor a few feet away from me.

I heard her inhale sharply as I gently picked up my friend bridal style, preparing to carry her out of the building.

"Please don’t do this again…" I whimpered as I turned away from my enemy. "If you want my attention, as an enemy or anything more…there are less painful ways to do it."

10AM

Separation

Stars twinkle high above me

Blinking and smiling

Making me feel home


What is this place?

Far beyond ours

And far out of my reach


I belong there

Not here

I am an alien among humans


An animal in their eyes


What do I do?

How do I get away?

How do I run?


I don’t


I’m stuck.


Tears splash down my cheeks, one for every wasted minute here.

June272012

Repetend

I believe in this

This is that

That is always the same

The same between each one of us

Us, the body that occupies one place

One place where we spend most of our time,

Time wasted as desks

Desks made to repress

Repress variety

Variety that we crave

Crave, though we never change

Change, that we swear is happening

Happening everywhere around us

Us, the body that occupies one place

One place where we’re all unique

Unique in every way

Every way possible

Possible for us to be like that

That is this

This, I believe in.

← Older entries Page 1 of 2